When You Find Your Church Is Unhealthy
Spiritual Growth

When You Find Your Church Is Unhealthy


When our world crashes and we only have one hope, where do we go? For me, I run to the church. I’ve always had a secret calling for God. God tugs my heart every time my feet step into nature. Grasping the wind upon my face and feeling the warm summer air. He greets me with a hug of grace. He comforts me during these nature romances, letting me know He is there. It’s easy to feel His presence when I am searching for it, but when my hope turns into doubts I can only find Him at church. His light is hard to find in the dark times, and we put all our hope and trust into the church. Even non-believers are comforted by a chapel. There’s an unspoken aroma of a pew no words can explain. But what happens when our trust in the church is broken?

This series of letting go has been harder than I thought. I almost didn’t touch the topic of letting go of the wounds from the church. Letting go of this pain is hard for me, and it’s the most complex. I believe these are the deepest wounds because they reflect our relationship with God.

But I doubted the power of God once again. I prayed only a few short times for this particular post, not wanting to bug God with all His bigger problems to fix. Then a whole vision for a video came into my mind. You know when you can just picture how you want something? The problem is most of the time we envision something great, it never turns out exactly how we want it.

This video came out perfect, and the only explanation is God’s work in it as well, and the great talent of my husband. His technical wisdom of videography, video editing, and everything else I’m not aware he did. He even expressed the emotion I wanted in the narration. I am so grateful for his patience for getting my vision exactly how I wanted it.

I can’t fix your pain afflicted by Christians or the Church, but I know the one person powerful enough to heal all the emotions you feel inside. God—Jesus and His love for you. I’m sorry if you have ever felt pain from these sources. But will you start fixing your eyes of God, instead of focusing on the flaws of the people in the church? Will you surrender?

Here’s the narration of the video  (But please take a few minutes to watch):

We grasp Life from the moment it’s born

We feel the grass between our feet

The sand between our toes

We smell  the morning awakening beneath our nose.

We feel the moments that break our smile

And we breathe for the minutes making us feel alive

But where do we go when life betrays us

When sickness enters

When the people we love die

When the world is against us

We run

to the only hope we have left

To the one place we feel safe

The church lifted on high

We surrender our hearts for healing

For comfort and love

And then the least expected happens

The church breaks us

They turn us away, mock us, and gossip

A pastor wrongs us

We go unnoticed


They send wounds so deep

we can barely breathe

Everything we ever believed in

is broken

Lies set in

Anger replaces Joy

Bitterness soaks us

We become the glass shattering into a million pieces

The whispers become real

God hates me

God is not love

God must not be real


But the truth is

We live in a broken world

Full of sin

Our assumptions betray us

We hold the church on a pedestal of perfection

Believing sin doesn’t fall in the church

That Christians are perfect

That Satan can’t enter the doors of the church

There’s only one person who can change all of this


He holds the sin of the world

And the sin of the church

He can mend all the pieces of brokenness and pain

Will you be there?

Will you let him hold your weakness and sin?

Will you set your eyes on God

instead of focusing on the flaws of the people in the church?

Will you surrender?