When our world crashes and we only have one hope, where do we go? For me, I run to the church. I’ve always had a secret calling for God. God tugs my heart every time my feet step into nature. Grasping the wind upon my face and feeling the warm summer air. He greets me with a hug of grace. He comforts me during these nature romances, letting me know He is there. It’s easy to feel His presence when I am searching for it, but when my hope turns into doubts I can only find Him at church. His light is hard to find in the dark times, and we put all our hope and trust into the church. Even non-believers are comforted by a chapel. There’s an unspoken aroma of a pew no words can explain. But what happens when our trust in the church is broken?
This series of letting go has been harder than I thought. I almost didn’t touch the topic of letting go of the wounds from the church. Letting go of this pain is hard for me, and it’s the most complex. I believe these are the deepest wounds because they reflect our relationship with God.
But I doubted the power of God once again. I prayed only a few short times for this particular post, not wanting to bug God with all His bigger problems to fix. Then a whole vision for a video came into my mind. You know when you can just picture how you want something? The problem is most of the time we envision something great, it never turns out exactly how we want it.
This video came out perfect, and the only explanation is God’s work in it as well, and the great talent of my husband. His technical wisdom of videography, video editing, and everything else I’m not aware he did. He even expressed the emotion I wanted in the narration. I am so grateful for his patience for getting my vision exactly how I wanted it.
I can’t fix your pain afflicted by Christians or the Church, but I know the one person powerful enough to heal all the emotions you feel inside. God—Jesus and His love for you. I’m sorry if you have ever felt pain from these sources. But will you start fixing your eyes of God, instead of focusing on the flaws of the people in the church? Will you surrender?
Here’s the narration of the video (But please take a few minutes to watch):
We grasp Life from the moment it’s born
We feel the grass between our feet
The sand between our toes
We smell the morning awakening beneath our nose.
We feel the moments that break our smile
And we breathe for the minutes making us feel alive
But where do we go when life betrays us
When sickness enters
When the people we love die
When the world is against us
to the only hope we have left
To the one place we feel safe
The church lifted on high
We surrender our hearts for healing
For comfort and love
And then the least expected happens
The church breaks us
They turn us away, mock us, and gossip
A pastor wrongs us
We go unnoticed
—VIDEO OF CLOSE UP TEAR
They send wounds so deep
we can barely breathe
Everything we ever believed in
Lies set in
Anger replaces Joy
Bitterness soaks us
We become the glass shattering into a million pieces
The whispers become real
God hates me
God is not love
God must not be real
But the truth is
We live in a broken world
Full of sin
Our assumptions betray us
We hold the church on a pedestal of perfection
Believing sin doesn’t fall in the church
That Christians are perfect
That Satan can’t enter the doors of the church
There’s only one person who can change all of this
He holds the sin of the world
And the sin of the church
He can mend all the pieces of brokenness and pain
Will you be there?
Will you let him hold your weakness and sin?
Will you set your eyes on God
instead of focusing on the flaws of the people in the church?
Will you surrender?