Clearance racks are my best friends, and I was super excited when I received an email from Once Upon a Child about their $1 summer shoe sale. I’m not a big shoe fanatic, only when my toddlers feet start to grow too fast. Then I go into panic mode. Wondering how to fit the stylish sandals, tennis shoes, and slip-on shoes into my excuse of “they really need these”. While digging deep into the shoe bin trying to find our lucky pair I happened to be right in the middle of an uncomfortable conversation between a husband and his wife.
“Go take her over there to the toys, NOW! Don’t be stupid she’s going to get upset,” the wife yelled. As her eyes bulged out of her head I felt a rage of anger by how she was talking to her husband. Her condescending voice making him feel like a child, with no dignity, no respect, or love in her mannerisms. “She must always treat him like that,” I thought to myself. “I bet he feels so worthless with the way she speaks to him.”
And then it all sank in. She wasn’t the only wife to fail her husband. There’s so many times when I use an undesirable tone with my husband. “Didn’t you know the kids can’t eat too many snacks before dinner?” “Don’t stick your tongue out at the dinner table! They will think that’s okay!” “Why did you spend money on going out to lunch when you knew we had to buy this!” Whatever the situation is you know what I am talking about. The moment when you find yourself thinking “Why on earth would you ever do that, and where did you come from?” The moment when we start treating our lovable husbands like a child, a child not capable of taking care of himself or making wise decisions.
It’s easy to notice others treating their husbands with disrespect, but it’s hard to soak in how often we can do the same thing. It’s not only in the way we voice out our opinions, but it’s also in our inner voice. We can’t truly respect and honor our husband until we eliminate our inner voice of “What the heck are you thinking!?” It’s not easy doing this. It’s also easy to say we treat our husbands with love and respect, and do the opposite in our minds when conflict arrives. We have to train our minds to think other actionable thoughts. You are smart, you are wise, and you are a person who has a right to do what you find okay. So where do you start? How can I stop having these uncontrollable reactions? How can I show my husband the love and respect he deserves?
4 Steps to Treat Our Husbands With More Respect
- Notice Your Reactions to His Actions– The most difficult part in knowing if you are treating your husband well is by observing. When you focus on the words that come flying out of you mouth in the moments of anger, irritation, and frustration, consider how your words would influence you if he said the same thing right back. Would you feel good about yourself, or would those words make you feel smaller?
- Start using Compliments and Suggestions– Instead of saying. “Why did you come in with muddy shoes. You know I just mopped!?” Say, “I know you have had a long day and Thank you for (___Something they have done__). Next time could you take your shoes off when you come in?” Make them feel appreciated for who they are before making them feel like they can’t make wise decisions. Whether it be with organization, financial decisions, or how they handle the kids. Ladies, let them know what you want rather than making them guess. They can’t read our minds no matter how long we have been with them.
- Pray– Praying is the best way to understand on how to communicate with our husbands like we should. Pray for God to make him show you the way he loves your spouse during those habits you can’t stand, how to speak in a kind and loving way, and how to be an honoring wife. Often times when I have spoke unkind words I have something inside I am dealing with that has nothing to do with anyone else. Ask God to heal any unresolved problems in your heart to keep you from loving your husband with all you have.
- Replace your Inner voice With Positive Memories– Actions speak louder than words, but often when we fix a habit we create a new one. When you find yourself using harsh words in your mind, remind yourself of why you love your husband and what he has done for you. So why is it bad to have my own feelings in my mind if I hold them in? If we don’t try to remove those thoughts completely from our mind they can become overpowering and harder to control. Also, we are trying to change our hearts to be more compassionate for our husbands, so that speaking words of affirmation come willingly off our tongue, not forced.
May God bless each one who reads with wisdom and grace. Remember, if you do notice yourself talking to your husband with unkind tones and unwanted words, that is awesome! That means you took the time to care about how you are treating your husband. We all have had that lash out moment. Now let’s start training our minds to be the wife’s we desire to be!